Bored...

Hmmm...

i guess recently..
i managed to tune back my timing...
fell asleep pretty early and wake up pretty early...
at times missed out the usual night chat with her....
but in exchange i manage to drop her morning calls on time...

Was pretty bored at home...
cause quit workin.. just wanna slack off my remaining 1 mth before i go ns...
pretty reluctant to leave the hse too...
scare to spent and lazy to even step out of my hse...
haven have such a feeling anymore...
suddenly felt home is warm and just want to hide under shelter...
maybe because my life have been very fast pace to the point i i'm pretty much force to stay out more then at home...
bo bian... last time got work... school... frens... many group... and her as well...
but now... grad le.. frens all busy le... her... focus on work and attention also placed somewhere else and won't want to spent as much time with me liao...
so i'm pretty free and sad... haha

nothing much to blog also...
trying not to feel sad or sian or piss or what so ever when comes to her things....
not that i want to.. but really there is nothing happening between us to the point that makes me happy...
not that being with her or staying with her or waiting for her is unhappy...
but without activities that is memoriable like dates or hanging out...
and just chat where the tendancy to piss her off or make her angry for some reason is high too...
honestly... i can't catch her anymore... not that i lost the skills but she won't let me access her...
moreover i felt her is of a different level now... or different world..
that i find it hard to catch up...

honestly.. at time is not that i dun want to hang out with her frens.. but our time is so limited...
i felt if i still give in more.. very soon... we won't have our own time....
its human nature... once she thinks i'm ok hanging out with her frens... she will make it happen more so she can spent time with both me and her frens....
not that i want to be selfish.... but in a long run... she will really see me more as frens then partner.... i hate to think abt it and i hate to show the selfish side of me..
but of coz... i no longer have the power to tell her we dun even have our own time.. can you just meet them some othertime since you will be meeting them more then me....
i no long have such powers to tell her....
felt like superman lost his superhuman strength... felt like spiderman no long have the reflexes...
felt like a bird who lost its wings to fly up to the sky...

maybe its because i'm impatience...
maybe because i'm just afraid...
i keep having this feeling we are getting more distanced...
and because NS is drawing near...
please.. my darling... surpress my fear for me..
close my wounds.. let me heal your's too...
put some smile on me...
let me think more of happy stuff and how to make us happy than all the stupid nonsence...
let me once again brighten our world... dun repel me anymore...
close up the gap...
this is the only wish i'll hope for if i was given a chance to make a wish....

i love you and always do...
signing out....
stan...