another quarrel...

Well..

stupidly... we end up quarrelling again...

for what? for i dun wish to quarrel and avoiding quarrel...

well today was sort of in a bad mood...

for what?

for some fuck up people who only know how to make ppl's life difficult...

well plan to go on a date with her de...

but end up she went back to meet her frens...

i understand its not nice to make her wait so i nv make noise even if she rather go back and meet them but instead tell me to join them...

honestly if i'm in a good mood... i dun mind... cox i can be socialble.. but when comes to me in a foul mood no please... i very scare she will be piss with me showing black face...

so what if she say its ok she will understand... she doesn't know she dun mean what she say... so long as she did try to hoax me... i MUST be ok and cannot give black face be it successful or not... so knowing that and can't tell her straight at her face i choose to avoid and even tell her honestly...

but she kept thinking i'm finding excuses just becox i dun want to go down and join her or mix with her frens... i dunno why... she always dun believe what i say even if its the truth... and she got piss for me tellin the truth.. wtf!!!

its just lyk how russell peter say about women... guys normally with them they dun lie... but when they ask us things and so long as the answer is not what they want or desired... they will think we are lying... they will only believe in the things they want to hear and that is where we guy 1st lied to them...

i tried to talk to her very nicely dispite me is in a foul mood...

its lyk she nv understand or care for how i feel... still pick a fight with me... find sth to quarrel and in the end make me piss and start talkin in a not nice way...

honestly i feel very sad and fuck up just now as one side i trying to cool myself down and the other side she picks a fight and she still can tell me so long as she is piss or unhappy.. she will pick a fight... wtf!!! why cannot settle it nicely and trust me more? can't you see how much effort i try to make things work out here? omg!!!

then she started tellin me i being fuck up by askin her to meet me at clark quey... well honestly if i'm the one who is more free and can leave earlier i dun mind pickin her up.. but now she is more free... can't she wait? its not lyk i dun understand anything.. i think for her.. if from bishan she were to go town and wait for me to finish work will she wait for a long time? yes.. it will but if she travel down and to cq... by then i'm almost done with work and she dun have to wait so long... if she wants to meet her sisters... can i dun mind picking her up as well but stay there... is the same as pickin a fight...

i feel very fuck up in a way is she keep telling me the heart thing... she keep saying i got not heart for her she has alot.. she say she wanted to come find me even if it means to ps her frens.. guess what she told me.. it ok they understand and because she got the heart... nbcb!!! what she trying to say? i got no heart for her? keep sayin if i got the heart to go find her... i will travel down to meet her even my mood is bad... wtf!!! if i got no heart.. i fucking won't even think of avoiding the quarrel and dun even care if we will quarrel or not.. just because i care and really want things between to get better thats why i choose to do so... fuck everytime is the heart... last time last and stuff or when i pissed i dun fucking care of doing anything for her.. she complain i accept.. i take it and change for a better for her.. but this time.. is not i piss then dun go down leh... i also not piss with her... i just want to avoid trouble and fights and stuff...

she tu me say why i assume and predict? cox i fucking kana trick by her many time!!! say its ok she will understand and stuff in the end once she try to hoax me i mux recover de even if it doesn't work and if not when i still unhappy she will be unhappy and pick a fight with me... everytime one... and when i tell her she cannot accept the fact and tu lan... again WTF!!!

then i very piss abt sth is she tell me she wants to come straight to see me but she leaving at 2... becoz she got work.. but is already 1 so abit no point right might as well save the money for dates and stuff.. but then half way quarrelling she tell me she want to go drink... with guys somemore... a group of them... really i got so pissed... again with group of guys... dun she understand i'll worry what happen if they do something to her... then nvm she say she will leave at 2 plus... cb you one plus go meet fren travel down nearly 2 then you drink 30mins then go ah? she will do that meh? she will bei paisei de meh? she scare paisei so much to the point she won't do so de lor... cb if she got go and really leave by 2 plus i cut off my dick for her...

in the end she choose not to go...

then another thing come.. she hung up my call and when to chat with that guy... nice we ar half way setteling stuff you go do such stuff... how will you feel if any of you all were to be in my shoes? say call me back in the end? got call back? i fucking hell waited for her damn call in the end when i text her she tell me jux finish chatting with that guy and went to do taebo...

in the end i told her how she make me feel insecure scare and uncomfortable with other guys getting near her... she say i got no self confidents... but honestly will you have or will you lost if she keep making you feel other guys are better more worthy and stuff?

honestly i dun mind her have guy frens and stuff even going out with them and stuff... but however please let me feel save who ar they.. if i dun know them tell me alittle more abt them detail so i can feel safe... its not lyk i want to tie her down or control her... but its just the way she do things and dun make people feel good feel safe and worst piss and unhappy...

i'm so fuckin down now...

maybe i'll learn to let things be .. what she want to do just do... how fuck up she make me feel just fuck it... no point getting work up or pissed... if she break my trust.. then i got no choice but to leave... if she feel i bo chap i'm protectin myself from getting hurt further... seriously i dunno if i can do so or not.. coz i dun bear to see her get hurt more then me... and honestly she can be the one to make our life different by being more understanding and less unreasonable... she can be the one to make us both happy...

i'm trying my best to change... but it seems she nv try to suppore me... only know how to pick a fight if not make me feel bad or piss or unhappy... when she push the blame to me i can only take it and change...

i dunno what else more can i do...

i really hope she dun see this coz she will think negatively...

if she see and can understand how i feel and work hand in hand with me i dun mind...

but if she sees and want to let things between us go then why for showing to her?

i loved her and still do.. but my heart achs more now...

i wrote the note for her.. didn't get to give her ytd.. well shall give her both later when i see her...

well felt better after writing.. i hope and really pray hard that we won't quarrel anymore... i hope she understand why i feel uneasy with the guys she mixed.. not that i hate them or dislike.. but is the way she put it to me hide it from me an make me hate them to the max...

signing out now...

bye blog... shall write again...